• this journal is not & probably never will be friends only. if you are that nosey that you have to track down my journal to read about my life, then do so. i could care less.
  
• if you plan on adding me, let me know. leave a message or comment, something! i find it disturbing to get on LJ & see people who just randomingly added me without so much as a "hello".
  
• do not add me & then do a "friends cut" & delete me 2 days later. give me a chance to actually your entries & comment. i am a mother of two who has a life outside of LJ. & to be quite honest, i do not always have something clever to say to every entry. sorry. nobody is that interesting.
  
• if i say something you don't agree with, let me know. nobody likes an ass kisser. & i don't expect you to always side with me. but be tactful about it. i know at times we all can speak/type without thinking, but no one likes to be attacked in their own journal.
  

at my mom's doing laundry, so i thought i'd drop in. ;]

about the roommate situation..
as much of a bitch as i am, i sometimes do not have the heart to be rude to people who are oblivious to their hazardous ways. & apparently neither does eric. so, we lied. ;x we HAD to though. we told them someone called social services & they made a visit to the house & said erianna had a week to get her room back. which, in all actuality, if they HAD made a visit they would have said that. she's 7 & even though the boys don't know what their private part are/do, she does.

so they left the next day. that was a huge burden off my back. i could finally feel comfortable in my own home again.

on to other news.. jordan's birthday is in less than a month (july 2nd). i'm thinking of doing a cars theme. that's his thing; cars & blocks. & his leapfrog stuff, but i think that would make for a lame theme. ;] i'm tryna plan it for a week after though, because his birthay falls so close to 4th of july & i wouldn't want people thinking they could bring liquor to a kid's party. i know my fam won't, but eric's is another story. ;x

i wanna try & make most of the stuff for it, like i did last year; i made the goodie bags by printing them off the computer & gluing them together. idk, i gotta see what all i can do.

eric's off working in new hampshire the next week & a half. we're hoping to have enough money to buy another car since ours died (RIP you piece of shit).

i just wanna apoligize for not being on so much. i used to be such a good LJ friend but my current circumstances don't allow me to be. i hope you all still keep as your friend because most of you i've had on my list for years & you know i have good intentions, even if my comment count says otherwise. if not, then no hard feelings. ♥

it's early as shit, i've been up since 6:45am & i would love to just wander around in the rain until i fall asleep.

eric got a part-time gig workin' over at the races goin on this weekend & he's had to be there before 8 for the past couple days. i've been using my mom's car & getting up this early kills me because i gotta load the kids in the car & then of course they don't wanna go back to sleep when we get home. ugh.

on a brighter note, we have no roommates. details later.

i originally posted to show you all this. a day in the life of.. ME! haha.

( marriage is for suckas. )

i haven't updated in so long, so forgive me if this comes out longer than expected.

they still live with us. it's hell. literally hell. idk if i mentioned it, but i had to quit my job once we moved outta my mom's because we couldn't get purchase of care through the state & daycare is outrageous these days. shortly after, eric's job got slow so he was out of work. so, for the past month, they've paid the bills. you would think that's great, right?

NO. we have to pay them back. *eyeroll* they're lazy, don't look for a job, messy.. well, you get the idea. & they drink everynight. & when i say drink, i mean, they get shitfaced.

one night they got so drunk they started arguing, & pushing eachother & he flung her across the room. some bullshit, foreal. so drinking in the house has stopped. especially since jay (meghan's man) decided he was broke from paying our bills. YEAH. RIGHT.

this motherfucker got a $10,000 check from a lawsuit. outta that $10,000, we "borrowed" $1400. that leaves them with $8600. & the car they bought was only $3600. so you do the math. them motherfuckers blew their money. & now it's our fault. so now the house is divided.

i could go on & on about it, but i think i've vented enough.

anyways, we had to go back to our case worker & apply for food stamps & cash assistance. we're currently enrolled in this program that helps you get a job, create a resume, all that. we have to participate (between the both of us) 35 hours a week to maintain our cash assistance, which is about $400 a month. if we get a job, we have to be working atleast 30 hours to still get the check. it sucks that we've fallen so far, but hopefully things will look up.

;\

on a brighter note, jordan & zaire are growing so fast. jordan cut his own hair about a week ago, so i "fixed" it & now he has a mohawk, lol. zaire is like, 7lbs lighter than jordan & about 10in shorter. & jordan is 22 months & zaire is 7, so you do the math, lol. jordan is so smart too. he knows where his head, hair, face, mouth, ears, eyes, nose, arm, hands, legs, feet & belly button are. i'm trying to work on his colors & numbers. zaire already said his first word: dada. arg! $#@! LOL, nah i don't really care too much. i know i'm his favorite. ;]

well, i gotta be job searching. we can document it & credit it to our 35 hours. eric goes to the meetings & i stay at my moms. works out nice, don't it? LOL.

i haven't forgot about any of you; i'm just goin' through some shit & don't always have the time to hop on & write a novel. usually when i come over here, i'm doing laundry or taking a shower (oh yeah, our hot water heater busted, so we ONLY have cold water now). hopefully things will change soon. love you all, happy belated mothers day to my mommies & if i missed any birthdays, happy belated birthday! ♥

i've been away for some time, so this will be a good one.

meghan & her boyfriend moved outta his mom's house. that same week, her house burnt down. they were living in a motel that her grandmom manages. eric had the bright idea of asking them to move in. i thought "..okay, well i'll have some company now". WRONG. oh-so-very wrong.

i have a list of complaints.
1) she. does. not. clean. i am a neat freak (think: monica from "friends"). i vaccuum atleast once a day, do dishes when the sink looks too full, shampoo the carpets before anything spilled can stain & basically pick up behind jordan all day. so you can imagine that it drives me crazy that she is so messy.

2) they basically took over my house. as soon as they get up in the morning, they play this barney DVD for mariah (her daughter) & it plays over & over & over. or they pop in movies or play on their xbox 360. i don't mind sharing the TV but i haven't been able to sit comfortably in my own living room since they moved in. (today is exactly a week).

3) they make like, meals, in the middle of the night. YEAH, MEALS. like, madd dishes in my sink every morning. drives me crazy. they drank every last water & juice in my fridge. i don't drink soda & neither do the kids. do i look like i wanna drink milk all day every day? the kool-aid lasts 3-4 hours MAX.

4) she is stuck so far up her boyfriend's ass, it's sickening. she pretty much ignores me all day. until she wants to share a cigarette or something. she wasn't that great of a friend before, but now she's even worse. you would think there'd be some girl bonding going on; nope. not at all.

5) the second they moved in, she decides to tell us she don't smoke in front of her daughter. so i have to either smoke in my room or outside. i personally think this is rude. if you know someone smokes in their house & you decide to move in, i don't see how you can decide you have some sort of say.

& what pisses me off the most is, eric nagged & nagged for them to move in. saying "we have plenty of baby food & wipes & formula" & whatever else to convince them, so now they freely dip into jordan & zaire's room whenever, even if they have diapers & wipes in their room.

i want them out. meghan's my friend & all, but if they continue to stay here, i'm gonna be forced to end all connection with her. i don't feel comfortable in my own home. i hang out in my room or the kids room all day, except when i need to make some food or a bottle or something. if they don't go, i will.

we went to bed last night & eric went to go to the bathroom & they had turned on porn! in my living room! i must have missed the memo that my living room had turned into a motel. they don't pay for anything. yes, they brought some food down, but they should have, after eating everything we had.

fdjhgskdjhfgksjdhgfjsdk!#@$@%$^%$$#!#!!! i'm going crazy. i don't wanna go home.

• 16:10 I couldn't find a tweet to post for loudtwitter #
• 16:10 So I posted this. #

first & foremost...

happy valentine's day!

i know i said i was gonna do a better update about christmas & more pictures, but honestly i do not feel like it. i'll have to do it during the day when both boys are napping because i upload my pictures to my LJ scrapbook & they
are so huge & my lazy ass does not feel like resizing them. ;]

do any of you remember tim? well he had up & moved to virginia & whatnot a while back. but i got online last week & happened to see him on & asked him what he was up to. his reply was "comin to DE". little did i know he moved back up here, lol. so he stopped through. eric liked him, the kids loved him, it was nice. he also came over last night, played some video games with eric & yahtzee with me & my sister (& whooped our ass, btw).

right after christmas, i had went to sally's with a gift card & bought some hair. i had meghan sew it in &.. that didn't go well. the braids were up too high so i took a track out. they were still visible because they were so thick. it was so thin because i had no tracks at the bottom, so i improvised & bought clips to sew to the hair wefts & clip in. i also attempted my first conrow & sewed a track in myself. it came out alright, but overall, i wasn't happy & it itched like crazy! so i went back, got slightly longer hair & opted for the glue. i posted pictures of my process on myspace. but they're friends only, so if you're aren't my friend, add me! ;]

eric should be back any minute with pizza. i'm starving.

merry belated christmas! a thorough update on its way, but pictures for now.

( i'll have a blueee christmasss without youuuu. )

more to come.

i realized that i've spent so much time complaining & bitching about things i can't change that i haven't updated about the two loves of my life.. my kids. ;] (this doesn't mean i will stop bitchin', it just means i won't do it in this entry. haha.)

jordan; he is getting so big! he has so many teeth, i lost count. he only needs a few back molars & that's it. & he is so smart. he says all types of words & he understands pretty much everything you say to him. like, if i say, "jordan go get your binkie" he will search high & low until he finds it. or if he don't know where it is, he'll say "iuno!" (idk). he loves putting on his shoes & going outside. he loves to "wuh-wuh" (color). the only number he says is "3" but it sounds like "tee". haha. we were gonna try & see if we could start potty training & buy him a training potty for christmas, but we decided to hold off. he will flush the toilet for you though. oh, & his ultimate favorite thing to do is talk on the phone. any phone, but mostly real phones. he'll pick it up & say "wo?" (hello). my smartie artie.

zaire; oh my lord. he is a little chunker! he gained like, what, 4 lbs in a month? got a little double chin & everything. he smiles when he wants to, but most of the time, he's a grouch. he's sleeps better during the night, but sometimes he'll still get up around 3 or 4. he makes some crazy sounds; sometimes i can't tell if he's about to cry or if he's trying to baby talk. i've taken some pictures, but jordan broke my digital camera so he's put a hold on any more. & the scanner/fax/printer apparently won't work without ink (weird i know) so i can't post the pictures we took at olan mills. but with my new phone i will be sure to take dozens like i did with jordan. he lifts his head up all the time because he will only sleep on his stomach (fuck SIDS, when i was a baby they said putting a baby on your back caused SIDS, google it). i love my little men. ♥.

well, against my better judgement (& probably most of yours), i called her again. as you all know, even when i'm fed up with someone, i still give that last chance. some chances last longer than others, but i figured the worst that could happen was i wouldn't get a call back.

she didn't answer. but she did call back a couple minutes later. we talked about our kids (like most mommies do, lol) & what's been going on lately. she was irritated pretty much the whole conversation. she said she was fed up & couldn't wait for savannah to go to her dad's (i have those kind of days too, only, eric lives here) & how she isn't walking yet & has only 4 teeth. she did say that savannah's birthday had just passed, but i couldn't bring myself to ask the question that was burning in my mind: why wasn't i invited? i just left it alone. if she wanted me to be there, i would have been there. plain & simple. i'm not gonna force her to be my friend any longer. if we talk, that's cool. if not, then that's cool too. but i'm gonna leave it at an acquaintance level.

on another note, i went to another school down here today. their classes also run about 10-11 months long but they're about $2500 cheaper. they have a class in january but i called department of labor & it takes about 4-6 weeks for them to approve you for financial aid, so i'm gonna try for the next class which starts in april. i love the first school, but the second one was nice as well, so we'll see which i choose once i get approved. in the meantime, my mom told me it would be a good idea to try & get into a salon somewhere, washing hair or being the receptionist. i think it would work in my favor, so i'm gonna look around.

bedtime is in 30 minutes (it's now 8).. yay!

i'm fuckin' pissed. i'm actually more upset & heartbroken than anything, but i won't allow myself to cry over it, so it all ends up coming out as being pissed.

i always check myspace & livejournal whenever i get on the computer.. just a force of habit. so i'm looking at my comments & then i see my friend's updates as i'm about to click on my new comments. i see "savannah's 1st birthday".

for those who don't know, i used to have a best friend named megan (not to be confused with meghan, who i used with chill with all the time with her sister brittany). megan & i were connected at the hip. i had her back through everything & she had mine. we went through some bullshit & eventually she chose the people who hated us over me because they apparently aploigized & their friendship meant more to her than mine. actions speak louder than words ;x.

anyways, she had a babygirl like, 5 months after jordan was born. i used to stop by her house all time (even though we live like 40 minutes away) to hang out with her & see the baby because although we weren't best friends anymore, i thought that maybe we could get back to the place. well, after she spent the night over our house (back when we lived in smyrna) i didn't hear from her again & that was back in march i believe. i would stop by & she'd never be there. i would call & leave messages & she'd never call back. i would talk to her mom & her mom would tell me she would be out runnin' around the old neighborhood & whatnot. when she would work, she'd let any one of them bitches watch her child & her mom told me she (megan) was starting to not want to take care of savannah & was getting impatient with her a lot. still, i kept calling & leaving messages & commenting on her myspace. nothing.

but then today, kristine (her best friend & one of my friends) posts pictures from savannah's birthday party. i'm actually very upset that i wasn't invited. she's always had this number. & she knows where to find me (myspace) regardless. so why wasn't i invited? because her so-called "friends" were invited? because savannah's aunt doesn't get along with me? i mean, i really wanna know. & the past few months tell me that whether i try to call or message or not, she won't answer. i invited her to jordan's. i was really hoping that maybe our kids could grow up around eachother. but i guess not.

i guess i lost a friend.

so i went into my 1st school choice today click here & i loved it. they have in-house financial aid (which is too dam expensive for me) so i opted for salliemae, which are student loans.

i got denied.

my past is catchin' up to me. all those cellphones & crap from when i was 18-19 ruined my credit. & eric tried to co-sign but his credit isn't good enough, apparently. so.. idk. i guess i'll check out the other beauty school down here but i'm all bummed out 'cause i really wanted to go there. ;\

i don't ever do these kinda things on LJ, but i figured, why not? "tagged" by christianelynn.

5 things in my purse
1. body spray
2. pink wallet
3. my broken digital camera; thanks jordan ;X
4. makeup "purse"
5. a lighter (usually)

5 things in my room (well, living room, lol)
1. my pastry shoes
2. crapload of toys
3. two entertainment centers (one for tv, dvd player, etc, one for toys. my mom's idea [shrugs]).
4. recliner.
5. computer desk that doesn't hold a computer (lmao).

5 things I’ve always wanted to do
1. go back to school
2. get outta delaware for a while
3. have a stomach like britney & a booty like beyonce
4. fix my credit
5. move outta my mom's house & stay out

5 things that make me very happy
1. my friends (when i get to see them)
2. my kids (when they're not driving me crazy, lol)
3. sleeping in, period
4. having 5 minutes to myself (usually only happens when i shower)
5. watching my favorite shows (degrassi, real chance of love, charm school)

5 best friends
1. currently
2. accepting
3. applications
4. so
5. apply ;]

5 things I’m currently into
1. photography (even if it is only on my phone)
2. webdesign
3. going to cosmetology school
4. extensions (i'm seriously debating it)
5. hm. that's it.

5 Impressions of (the persons who tagged me!)
1. No one tagged me, I stole this <--ditto.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Tag 5 People
1. pwettyfaced
2. forgive
3. thatgirlbrandi
4. sonriente
5. thickthiqhz